No sure, history doesn’t repeat itself; but humanity’s stupidity does…

Born roughly two hours ago; Tindra is a healthy little blue-eyed absolutely gorgeous thing with all fingers and toes in place; congrats to my lucky stepsister and her fiancé

It started when I was ten; his name was Ernie and he was a small white cross-bred pony belonging to a friend of mine on Kelly Road in Australia. I bounced around bareback on the trotting Ernie in my friends backyard, while her poor father had to run round leading him. I had always liked horses before; but with Ernie things changed; back home we say you get ”horse-bitten”; which doesn’t refer to actually being bitten , but getting hooked, and there was no turning back.

Back home I started riding the ponies of friends; reading every book I could find on the subject, fact and fiction; begging my parents to let me take riding lessons. Eventually I was allowed to do so; and then; three years later; Dream came into my life.

A twelve year old ex-trotter, he wasn’t really right for me I guess on looking back at it, and he was probably even more wrong for my sisters who had none or little experience of horses and riding. But in seven years; Dream has come so far; I have managed to turn him into a safe riding horse; he’s sometimes still a prat when I ride; but only to test who’s boss; he’s brilliant with beginners; loves kids and has the sweetest of hearts. Getting to this point wasn’t easy though.

Dream and me

I have fallen off so many times; I have been terrified to the point of not even daring get on him for weeks and only doing so under the threat of him being sold. For six months I couldn’t more than walk and trot him; I was so scared. But every time I have come off and got back on; every time I have once more dared gallop him across a field; every time I have managed to prove to myself that I can, despite all the fears and doubts; well, those moments are so strong; I can’t describe the feeling. It’s brilliant.

I still get scared of riding; but even when I am the most frightened from getting on; I cannot help loving the horses and wanting to try; and dealing with them from the ground is just as rewarding.

I don’t know for sure what I’ll be doing with my future; but I do know that I will; at some point; have my own yard; with beautiful and well behaved horses which I have trained myself.

What can I say? I’m hooked on horses. And I can’t help it

Well; here I am; one final day before I’m back on yards… Good fun… Not!

But I need to start working anyway; those exams will come at some point; and if I dont pass; well; that’d be bad.

How dare you? She is getting over you, don’t you get it? You are making it so hard for her; she’s just a kid. Leave her alone.

Skriver på svenska mest för att djävlas med S; lol, han kommer ha besvär att översätta detta hihi

Ja, jo vi är ihop; bidde som på riktigt då jag hade varit borta en o en halv vecka; jag har nog aldri sakna nån så mkt som jag saknade honom medan jag var borta; och att komma hem kändes jättebra; och vi är fortfarande vi; så mycket har inte ändrats; bortsett från benämingen

Stalltjänst nästa vecka igen; vill inte påstå att jag är på humör för det; men vad ska man göra? Inte länge kvar nu

ah, kramisar på er alla

So I suppose its official then

Why fear and doubt?

I know what I want, it is quiet simple really.

All of a sudden here I am again

I dont know what I want

But I do know

I dont know what I feel

But I do know

What am I asking for?

I do not know

I dont want things to change

But I do need to know what we are doing

And Im not sure either of us can tell

So where does this leave me?

Right where I was the other day

Not knowing, feeling all things at once; I am terrified

Ok det finns två bra saker med Norrland; långa bussresor som ger en gott om tid att tänka och sen även de där älskade personerna som bor där..

Luleå se upp; nu kommer jag snart

How do u do that? A few sentences from u and all the worrying disappears for a while. xxx

 And I dont know what to write,

I’m tired,

I keep thinking about you,

I really wish I could be there now;

I really wish we could talk face to face,

I really wish I could sort out what I feel,

I really wish I could go home,

This week feels like it will last forever,

I know we cant talk right now,

Or tomorrow, or thursday cause I’ll be busy

Friday is far in the future

Oh I miss you.

I want to go home

Aren’t I?

What am I missing?

How did this happen?

Does it bother me?

No; and that is in itself too weird to grasp

I don’t do this sort of thing

I don’t feel like this

I don’t

But now I do

And it doesn’t bother me

I let it happen

I wanted it

I still do

But it doesn’t make sense

I don’t do this

If I’m not insane now;

It wont be long

But I don’t care

This feels too right

And makes way too much sense in the simple sense that it doesn’t

For me to not want it

I am willing to give this a real try

With you

And I can’t believe that I am willing to admit it.

So; happy easter to you all in a strictly non-religious sense!

For me; easter is the holiday of chocolate; that is worth celebrating; who needs religion?

And it was a beautiful day…

Me today

Yes; there’s a guy

No; he’s not my boyfriend

Yes; I miss him

No; it’s not a stupid idea

Yes; it works out fine

No; leaving won’t be easy

But it shouldn’t be

And we are happy now

Isn’t that enough?

It is to me

Pictures from today; thanx Ang-harad!

Seamus and me

Hanna is hating easter before it even begins.. why is it that everyone she knows lives in the middle of nowhere and have no ability to actually get anywhere; resulting in Hanna having to go everywhere in two weeks time?

And as soon as I actually have a plan guess what? Someone fails to be present and I have to start all over; I love you honey, but you aren’t making this easy for me.

I hate holidays, bring back yards and lack of sleep, I don’t care; just don’t force me to go all the way THERE, I can’t do it. I’m sorry but I can’t.